Hate?

I am sick; disgusted;
Again and again. In my life comes a point where my (sometimes considered even by me) infantile and naive reality system so perfectly balanced by my beliefs of good will and a certain sort of theory of collective genetic human altruism is being confronted, attacked and screwed around with by people.
So I need revising my theory.. another chunk of unconditional trust is scraped out, another set of bricks are qualified erroneous, another vial of love for humans is removed and thrown away.
I know not many people read my blog and hope that the few people who read this (most probably closest and dearest to me) will understand me and anyone who needs revising their system of thoughts and love will understand the part that is and was meant for them so they won`t need to endure seeing the way people mutilate their own love for those individuals on a daily basis just so one can live happily and the other can try ridding itself from the pain.

• Egoism is needed! It is a must! I need it and guess you do too...

• Altruism is needed! It is also a must! I need it, i want it and really don`t know if you do too...

The balance is sometimes hard to achieve. I trust myself, i sometimes like myself, but rarely i feel i love myself and most certainly never qualify myself as First class (or in romanian educational system - grade 10). I don`t need anyone to be as me. Ever! Thought I certainly need people to treat me as I treat them (may that be bad or good).
I would love to shout out loud I love all of you but sadly i cannot. Maybe will love you in an hour, maybe in a day, maybe in a month but not now..

* Note 1 - You dare to take a breath and think anything of me? You dare to accuse me? You dare to be ignorant by telling me that YOU are waiting for me in that shitty city (i began to hate so much)? You dare to tell me the type of person I am while knowing nothing about me and me knowing nothing about you? You dare to do all this while I was the only one sitting in empty rooms left alone? I never stood in your path (not directly by my actions or interference at least). So I invite you to take your fists out of your pockets and let me not oppose you a second, let me taste your senseless anger for something you could not possibly understand now. I will laugh in your face and know I had the respect and altruism for you..

*Note2 - Thank you for being a friend !

*Note3 - I trust your trust that you will all find the exact lines addressed to you since there is no point in pointing out.